Mail forward's are very annoying, but occassionaly you stumble upon something really good, so here you go

Interpreting Employment Ads

Having difficulty finding the right words to convey just what your project is like when placing those recruitment advertisements?  Here's a set of terms that may help!

Competitive Salary

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join Our Fast Paced Company

We have no time to train you.

Casual Work Atmosphere

We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.

Must be Deadline Oriented

You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Duties will vary

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an Eye for Detail

We have no quality control.

Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience

You are replacing three people who just quit in disgust.

Problem Solving Skills a Must

You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Your first task is to find out what is going on.

Self starter

You will get absolutely no support from management or your co-workers.

Pay based on experience

We'll hire the cheapest worker we can find.

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Software Development Cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Hawaii. Entire testing department quits.
11. New Project Manager steps in with a new QA finds 783 new bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...

and finally,

It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It cannot be done in one month by impregnating nine women.

2/9/2007 5:47:33 AM (GMT Standard Time, UTC+00:00)    Comments [0]